


steve was kicked from the chat

by HalfEmptty



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Group chat, Healing, Infinity War doesn't exist!, M/M, PTSD, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Texting, tags will be updated as I update!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 09:04:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19720537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HalfEmptty/pseuds/HalfEmptty
Summary: 5:44Steve RogersGood evening, TonyTonyIt's quarter to six in the morning you sadistic fuck hi what's wrong





	1. message unsent

4:35  
**Steve Rogers**  
Hello

\-----

Message unsent.

\-----

10:02  
**Steve Rogers**  
Hello

\-----

Message Unsent.

\-----

22:10  
**Steve Rogers**  
Hi

\-----

Message unsent.

\-----

4:30  
**Steve Rogers**  
Hello

**Unknown number**  
Holy shit.

**Unknown number**  
What.

**Steve Rogers**  
Stark?

**Unknown number**  
The one and only. You do realise I get notified everytime you send me a flip phone text on my main system, no matter if you delete them afterwards or not?

**Steve Rogers**  
And you didn't reply?

\-----

5:00

**Unknown number**  
I've got your contact in my phone. I'm burning the Nokia. 

**Steve Rogers**  
I don't know if that's a good thing or not

**Unknown number**  
Me neither. Guess we'll just have to see.

\----  
6:45

**Steve Rogers**  
So how have you been?

**Unknown number**  
Fine.

**Steve Rogers**  
Good

\-----

13:05

**Unknown number**  
Good afternoon, Mr Rogers.

**Steve Rogers**  
Is this Tony?

**Unknown number**  
This is FRIDAY. Miss Potts has asked me to inform you that there are three high security model Stark phones being shipped out privately and discreetly to your last safe house location.

**Steve Rogers**  
Why?

**Steve Rogers**  
How do you know where we were?

**Unknown number**  
We don't, Captain. Natasha Romanoff has private contacts with only Pepper Potts. 

**Steve Rogers**  
Right

**Unknown number**  
I'm sure we will get in touch again fairly soon. 

**Steve Rogers**  
Tell Pepper thank you

**Unknown number**  
Of course. Goodbye, Captain

**Steve Rogers**  
See you friday

**Unknown number**  
This seems a bit soon, your current situation might make it an issue to get into the tower. Possibly next week?

**Steve Rogers**  
FRIDAY, not friday. My mistake

**Unknown number**  
Got it! :D

**Steve Rogers**  
:d

**Unknown number**  
:0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony definately programmed FRIDAY to use emojis and now she's confused Steve. I don't make rules. Also hi, kudos and comment, I'll be updating when I can folks


	2. good evening

3:50

 **Steve Rogers**  
Hello

 **Tony**  
Do you take pleasure in texting me at four in the morning?

 **Steve Rogers**  
I didn't realise, I'm sorry

 **Tony**  
No, it's fine. I'm joking, I'm up. 

**Steve Rogers**  
You should work on getting some sleep

 **Tony**  
Yeah, yeah.

\-----

22:04

 **Steve Rogers**  
Thank you for the phones

 **Tony**  
The what

 **Tony**  
Oh

 **Tony**  
Fucking Pepper. Yeah, well, don't drop them. They're worth a lot. 

**Tony**  
They're all engineered by me. You don't need to worry about getting tracked by any bad guys, I've got a lid on that at all times. Highest security. You can connect to anyone, if you need a number I can get it to you.

 **Tony**  
Don't tell anyone I'm being nice to you.

 **Steve Rogers**  
Thank you, genuinely 

**Tony**  
Don't mention it.

 **Steve Rogers**  
And I know it means nothing, but I'm sorry, for everything

 **Tony**  
Yeah, well.

 **Tony**  
Wasn't you. Or Barnes. In theory. Whatever, just forget it.

 **Steve Rogers**  
Okay.

\-----

5:44  
**Steve Rogers**  
Good evening, Tony

 **Tony**  
It's quarter to six in the morning you sadistic fuck hi what's wrong

 **Tony**  
Steve

 **Steve Rogers**  
Shit, sorry. Just wanted to thank you, it's a weight off my chest getting in touch. It's good to see all the accords stuff being cleared up. We might not be in hiding forever, and I want you to know we're all available whenever you need people to have your back. Nat, Sam, me. 

**Tony**  
Yeah.

 **Tony**  
Well, it's been a fucking wild ride. But yeah. For the record, I forgive you.

 **Tony**  
I still get nightmares and shit that contribute to my crippling sleep schedule but yeah, you and your robocop boyfriend's face don't rule them anymore, so. 

**Tony**  
Sorry I'm on my sixth glass give me a second

\-----

2:15

 **Steve Rogers**  
Good afternoon. Do you have King T'Challa's number? I left the burner phone without moving it across.

**Tony**  
_Forwarded link_

**Steve Rogers**  
Thank you

 **Tony**  
Barnes?

 **Steve Rogers**  
Yeah

 **Tony**  
In the fridge?

 **Steve Rogers**  
How do you know about that?

 **Tony**  
Pepper. Sorry. 

**Steve Rogers**  
It's fine

 **Steve Rogers**  
He's just come out

 **Tony**  
The old noggin okay?

 **Steve Rogers**  
In terms of trigger words, yeah. 

**Tony**  
Yeah.

 **Tony**  
Good.

 **Tony**  
Hope he's doing alright.

 **Steve Rogers**  
Thank you

\-----

5:30

**Steve Rogers created a new group chat**


	3. alien face

5:30

**Steve Rogers has created a new group chat.**

**Steve Rogers has added Unknown number and Unknown number to the group chat.**

**Steve Rogers has changed Unknown number's name to Nat**

**Steve Rogers has changed Unknown number's name to Sam**

**Sam**  
Has Steve figured out technology? 

**Nat**  
Im gonna guess no this is a fluke

 **Nat**  
Deadass fluke

 **Nat**  
Why am I natasha 

**Sam**  
I don't know what you mean. I'm Samuel Wilson. I eat bananas with the skin on. 

**Nat changed their name to Real Sam**

**Real Sam**  
That was ONE TIME

 **Sam**  
This is fucking awful.

 **Real Sam**  
No it isn't 

**Sam**  
How do I change it?

 **Real Sam**  
Ha maybe ask grandpa to help you out

 **Sam**  
Suck my cock, Sam.

**Real Sam changed Sam's name to Naat**

**Naat**  
Thank you. That's better.

 **Steve Rogers**  
I've been watching some tutorials, so I understand more

 **Real Sam**  
They grow up so fast wow

 **Naat**  
These phones are pretty cool. I have sodoku.

 **Real Sam**  
Yeah because sodoku is really cool pfpf

 **Steve Rogers**  
Yes I helped her put it on her phone!

 **Steve Rogers**  
I like sodoku!

 **Real Sam**  
Very cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Naat**  
Is this for missions? I think the walkies were more efficient.

 **Steve Rogers**  
It can just be to talk 

**Steve Rogers**  
Fun things like faces! FRIDAY Tony's robot was doing them like this with the buttons

 **Steve Rogers**  
:d

 **Naat**  
I just spat water

 **Steve Rogers**  
:d

 **Real Sam**  
PFFGJ

 **Steve Rogers**  
Wont work

 **Naat**  
Press captial letter.

 **Steve Rogers**  
Yeah it keeps going weird

 **Real Sam**  
:D

 **Steve Rogers**  
:D

 **Naat**  
Yay!

 **Real Sam**  
:DDDDDDDDD

 **Steve Rogers**  
No too many mouths

 **Naat**  
You can never have enough mouths.

 **Real Sam**  
:::::DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

 **Steve Rogers**  
Too many 

**Real Sam**  
8===================D

 **Naat**  
Beautiful.

 **Steve Rogers**  
An alien face! 8=D

 **Real Sam**  
Okay goodnight

 **Naat**  
I fell off my bed.

**Steve Rogers was kicked from the chat.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roll credits


	4. shut it

6:22

 **Steve Rogers**  
How do you rejoin a chat?

 **Tony**  
You don't, you wallow in self pity until you get added back. 

**Steve Rogers**  
Oh

\-----

6:59

**Tony changed Steve Roger's name to Captain Cocksucker.**

**Captain Cocksucker**  
What

 **Tony**  
Oops. Didn't think you could see that. 

**Captain Cocksucker**  
Don't you know how your own text system works?

 **Tony**  
Shut it.

\-----

7:16

 **Captain Cocksucker**  
Can I change my name back

 **Tony**  
No.

\-----

16:24

**Captain Cocksucker changed Captain Cocksucker's name to Steve.**

**Tony**  
Bitch.

\-----

16:58

**Naat added Steve Rogers to the group chat.**

**Steve Rogers**  
Don't do that again, I got confused

 **Naat**  
You're always confused.

 **Captain America**  
Kick him again

 **Steve Rogers**  
Who's Captain America?

 **Captain America**  
Me

 **Steve Rogers**  
Ok

**Naat changed Naat's name to Captain America #2**

**Naat changed Steve Roger's name to Captain America #3**

**Captain America #3**  
Why am I 3, I am Captain America

 **Captain America**  
Because im the REAL Captain America

 **Captain America**  
For luberty for freedom for justice

 **Captain America #2**  
Luberty.

 **Captain America**  
Liberty***only luberty when I go visit my favourite bro in about a month 

**Captain America #2**  
No homo.

 **Captain America**  
Fellas is it gay to polish his arm

 **Captain America #2**  
Not if you use WD40.

**Captain America #2 was kicked from the chat.**

**Captain America was kicked from the chat.**

\-----

18:40

 **Steve Rogers**  
Good evening, your majesty

 **T'Challa**  
Please, don't worry about formalities, Captain. We're on texting terms, after all. 

**Steve Rogers**  
Then you can call me Steve

 **T'Challa**  
You strike a hard bargain.

 **T'Challa**  
Steve it is. What can I do for you today? Is it Sergeant Barnes?

 **Steve Rogers**  
Yes. I just wondered how he was getting along.

 **T'Challa**  
In the current situation, well. He only came out from cryostasis yesterday, so at this current moment he's still recovering from the cold. As far as we know, the triggers have been removed. Though that's unfortunately not to say everything else has. The mind works in intense ways.

 **Steve Rogers**  
I know

 **Steve Rogers**  
It'll just take time

 **T'Challa**  
They'll often say that time heals, yes. I can patch you into Shuri, my sister, if you'd like. She will have a lot more information, as she's been working with him these last few months.

 **Steve Rogers**  
Okay, sure

\-----

18:54

**T'Challa added BIGCHUNGUS to the group chat.**

**BIGCHUNGUS**  
Helloo captain Rogers! 

**T'Challa changed BIGCHUNGUS' name to Shuri**

**Steve Rogers**  
Hello, Shuri

 **Shuri**  
Its great to meet you, sergeant barnes has told me about you

 **Steve Rogers**  
He has?

 **Shuri**  
A little. To summarise his state, hes currently going through the process of slowly reheating so he doesnt get pneumonia

 **Shuri**  
Hes weak, a bit high off painkillers but hes doing well! Better than expected. He asked where you were and said (and I quote) 'steve is the coolest person I know'

 **Steve Rogers**  
Tell him I think he's cool too

 **Shuri**  
He'll be delighted

 **Steve Rogers**  
Thank you Shuri, truly. Thank you so much

 **Shuri**  
literally don't mention it its my pleasure

 **Steve Rogers**  
When would it be a good time to visit..? If I can at all?

 **T'Challa**  
Probably a while, as we need to secure his state. I'm sorry, Steve. We will be able to get you in touch with each other in the meantime once he's heated up, so you can text and call.

 **Steve Rogers**  
Thank you, that'd be great

 **Steve Rogers**  
I owe you

 **Shuri**  
You dont owe us anything, we have it all already

 **Shuri**  
We are basically make a wish

 **T'Challa**  
Shuri.

 **Shuri**  
What?? just saying its free! We are happy to help. 

**Shuri changed the group chat name to Mission: Save The White Boys**

**T'Challa went offline.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a loose plotline and ideas to add more characters. Comment if there's any people, scenarios or pairings you want to see!


	5. a thing

3:10

 **Tony**  
Hi.

 **Steve**  
Hello

\-----

4:21

 **Tony**  
Wanted to ask you something.

 **Steve**  
Okay 

**Tony**  
Okay

 **Steve**  
What? 

**Tony**  
We might be able to compromise a way to house you safely.

 **Steve**  
Okay

 **Steve**  
How?

 **Tony**  
Well now the governments dump is getting cleared up, you might be able to take a floor.

 **Steve**  
A floor?

 **Tony**  
Yes. Or multiple floors. We have a lot of free floors.

 **Steve**  
At the Stark Tower?

 **Tony**  
No, Trump Tower.

 **Steve**  
I'm going to hope you're joking

 **Tony**  
Duh.

 **Tony**  
Why, what's wrong with that? That'd make a great TV show, Captain America on President Trump's coffee duty.

 **Steve**  
I wouldn't lift a finger for that waste of air, watch him try and make me

 **Tony**  
Okay, chill your beans.

 **Steve**  
Stark Tower? Are you sure?

 **Tony**  
If I wasn't sure I wouldn't have said it.

 **Steve**  
Okay

 **Steve**  
We can think about it

 **Tony**  
That's fine.

 **Steve**  
Okay

 **Tony**  
K

\-----

15:55

**Captain America #3 changed Captain America #3's name to Steve.**

**Steve added Unknown number to the chat.**

**Steve**  
Nat?

 **Unknown number**  
Suck my cock.

**Steve changed Unknown number's name to Natasha**

**Steve added Unknown number to the chat.**

**Steve changed Unknown number's name to Sam**

**Steve**  
News

 **Natasha**  
Good news??

 **Steve**  
On Bucky

 **Natasha**  
Oh, is he okay?

 **Steve**  
T'Challa's going to get him the equipment to get in touch so we can talk

 **Natasha**  
Good. I'm pleased for you.

 **Sam**  
Also pleased

 **Sam**  
Is the dude feelin himself?

 **Steve**  
Guess we'll find out

 **Sam**  
Hopefully sooon

 **Steve**  
Yes!

 **Natasha**  
Nice. I'm going to sleep. Wake me up with coffee.

 **Steve**  
Got it

\-----

17:02

 **Sam**  
Au revoir

 **Steve**  
Goodbye

 **Sam**  
Wait no hello

 **Sam**  
Bonjour

 **Natasha**  
Your language skills never cease to deeply and painfully disappoint me, Wilson you dumb fuck.

 **Sam**  
Shut up

 **Sam**  
Is bucky leaving wakanda? 

**Steve**  
No, he needs time to heal

 **Steve**  
Why?

 **Sam**  
I was going to point out that the van's left back seat is too fucked to put a fourth person in since you set it in fire

 **Steve**  
I did not do that

 **Natasha**  
HAHAHAHA, OKAY.

 **Sam**  
Sure

 **Steve**  
I didn't!

 **Natasha**  
I'm not having this argument with you. It was a lighter, Steve.

 **Steve**  
Your lighters are different!

 **Sam**  
I dont get how different they can be

 **Steve**  
Very different, stop attacking me, I didn't know how flimsy they were

 **Natasha**  
And I didn't know you'd burn the ends of my freshly trimmed ends but here we are.

 **Sam**  
SHUSH SO we'd need another ride to live on the road with bucky as a fourth head

 **Steve**  
Tony's been in contact

 **Natasha**  
Oh?

 **Steve**  
He was offering us rooms at the tower

 **Sam**  
Sis you mean Im gonna be a real avenger 

**Natasha**  
Stop 

**Sam**  
>:(

 **Steve**  
So if we took that up, Bucky could come with us

 **Natasha**  
Have you asked Stark about that?

 **Steve**  
Oh yeah

 **Steve**  
I probably should

 **Natasha**  
Yes. It might be heavy on them. Though I hear from Pepper Tony's been handling okay.

 **Sam**  
We're all handling it okay doing our damn best, if we are gettin offered a room then we take it. Im in if anyone else is

 **Natasha**  
I mean

 **Natasha**  
Yeah. I trust them both, Stark and Potts, it'd work. Sure. 

**Sam**  
We can be roomies in a real house

 **Sam**  
Or does Steve wanna be bunkin with buckster

 **Steve**  
We can be roomies, Samuel

 **Sam**  
BUNK buddies???

 **Steve**  
Maybe

 **Sam**  
So not yes

 **Steve**  
What

 **Sam**  
You want another bunk bu ddy

 **Steve**  
What are you trying to imply?

 **Sam**  
Nothing

 **Natasha**  
Sam, not now. 

**Steve**  
What???

 **Sam**  
Ugh

 **Sam**  
Just

 **Sam**  
Me and Nat have a bet thing competition

 **Natasha**  
Sam, shut up, you dumbass.

 **Steve**  
No, what is it?

 **Sam**  
Well

 **Natasha**  
Sam no

 **Sam**  
I bet you and Bucky had a thing

 **Steve**  
A 'thing'

 **Sam**  
A thing

 **Natasha**  
I'm going to throw myself off a cliff.

 **Sam**  
And Natasha bet you and Bucky never had a thing

 **Steve**  
A thing

 **Sam**  
Yes

 **Steve**  
Me and Bucky haven't had a thing.

 **Sam**  
Okay

 **Sam**  
Steve I love you but please promis you're telling truth because 1. We are your friends and we love ad care about you and 2. Im really poor 

**Steve**  
Oh God

 **Steve**  
No, we have never had a thing, Sam. Not like growing up in the 30's was giving us many options anyway

 **Sam**  
Yeah. That sucks

 **Sam**  
So what if it WERE giving you more options

 **Natasha**  
SAMUEL WILSON

 **Sam**  
WHAT

 **Natasha**  
Stop interrogating Steven. 

**Sam**  
I'm not trying to be tactless, I just want the win. But for serious man, it dont matter. And you dont need to talk about it

 **Natasha**  
Glad you figured that out.

 **Sam**  
Thank you

 **Natasha**  
But yeah. We're always here for you. We got your back. 

**Sam**   
we wouldnt judge you, and we want you to do whatever's best for you

 **Natasha**  
Feel comfortable to come to us about anything.

 **Sam**  
yes

\-----

18:12

 **Sam**  
Steven?

\-----

18:16

**Bird Boy named the private chat Dynamic Dude Duo**

**Bird Boy**  
So you owe me ten bucks

 **Spider Girl**  
Yep


	6. touchdown baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I COULDNT FIGURE OUT HOW TO FIX THE FACT THE LAST CONVO IS ALL BOLD??? ILL TRU FIX IT AT SOME POINT. also, Comic Clint. Mcu Clint family don't exist, sorry dudes. Priorities.

11:20

 **Tony**  
Getting closer.

 **Steve**  
To what?

 **Tony**  
To throwing myself out of my 93 story tower.

 **Steve**  
Oh 

**Steve**  
Are you okay

 **Tony**  
Closer to the accords, Steven. Compromise. Fix up. Ten thousand papers later, I nearly have the government eating out of my hands.

 **Steve**  
Oh, yes I got a call from General Ross the other day

 **Tony**  
Spineless prick.

 **Tony**  
Sorry about that, by the way. He needed to get in touch, Pepper gave him your number.

 **Steve**  
No worries, that's fine

 **Tony**  
Thought about it yet since last month?

 **Steve**  
Yeah. I think we'll take up the offer

 **Tony**  
Okay. You can all have a floor each. Penthouse apartments, three bedrooms, a kitchen, lounge, two toilets. And you'll have permenant access to the community floor.

 **Steve**  
Really Tony, it's more than enough, we could all just stay on one floor if we needed to

 **Tony**  
But you DON'T need to, so take them. 

**Steve**  
Tony

 **Tony**  
Shut your patriotic ass up and accept it.

 **Tony**  
There's only three rooms, you don't want the boyf sleeping on the sofa when he comes back from intensive Wakandan care, do you? Unless you want him in your room.

 **Steve**  
Bucky?

 **Tony**  
No, I'm Tony.

 **Steve**  
Bucky would be allowed to stay?

 **Tony**  
I know he's got nowhere else.

 **Steve**  
I understand, if it's an issue

 **Tony**  
No issue Capsicle, quit.

 **Tony**  
He can take the floor above medical, in case he needs anything.

\-----  
11:35

 **Steve**  
Thank you so much

 **Tony**  
No problem.

 **Steve**  
No, really. You've been nothing but generous despite everything that's happened, it means a lot

 **Tony**  
I appreciate it, Cap. Go do something righteous.

 **Steve** :Dd 

**Read.**

\----- 

14:46 

****CLONT added Steve Rogers to AVEBGERS** **

**CLONT**  
FUCKIVNGN HI 

**Unknown number**  
Clint? 

**CLONT**  
HEY YOU FUCKING GOT STARKS PHONES SO NOW WE CAN GROUP CHAT 

**Unknown number**  
Oh, fuck yeah 

**CLONT changed Unknown number's name to NAT!!**

**CLONT changed Steve Rogers' name to STEVE!!**

**CLONT changed Unknown number's name to SAM!!**

**STEVE!!**  
Why are you shouting?? 

**CLONT**  
BECAUSE MY PHONES BROKEN 

**STEVE!!**  
How? 

**CLONT**  
CAPTIAL LETTER BUTTON WONT PRESS 

**Witch Tits**  
Yes its getting very old at this point 

**Sam**  
WITCH TITS 

**Witch Tits**  
Yes, Clint's choice, before he flushed his phone down the toilet 

**NAT!!**  
Wanda! How are you doing? 

**Witch Tits**  
Not too bad! Hows the the road been treating you? 

**NAT!!**  
Like ass! 

**SAM!!**  
Ass would treat us better 

**CLONT**  
AMEN MY BROTHER 

**CLONT**  
TALKING ABOUT ASS I MISS U STEVE 

**STEVE!!**  
Thank you, I think! I miss you too! Where have you been? 

**CLONT**  
HOUSE ARREST AT THE TOWER BUT THEYRE SORTIN STUFF OUT RIGHT 

**NAT!!**  
Clint love, please fix your fucking keyboard. 

**CLONT**  
I DONT KNOW HOWWe 

**SAM!!**  
:0 you just did it 

**STEVE!!**  
:Oooooooo 

**SAM!!**  
Too many MOUTHS Steve 

**CLONT**  
hello 

**SAM!!**  
TOUCHDOWN BABYYY 

**Witch Tits**  
Fucking finally 

**CLONT**  
so i wasnt pressing ythe captial button i was just pressing shift 

**NAT!!**  
Dumbass. 

**CLONT**  
im your dumbass <<<<<<<3 

**NAT!!**  
Mhm. < 3 

**Steve**  
Is this eveyone who lives in the tower? 

**CLONT**  
yes pepper is jus doing important things bruce is missing thor is also just not here rhodey is doing important things and tony is sleepin an noone wants to wake him up cause he hasbnt slept like more than 3 hrs in 85 

**NAT!!**  
I thought he's been coping okay? 

**CLONT**  
eh well its his normal isnt it 

**CLONT**  
he just dotn stop working 

**Witch Tits**  
You're forgetting someone 

**CLONT**  
who 

**Witch Tits**  
Spider child 

**CLONT**  
OH 

**Steve**  
Oh, the kid from Queens? 

**Steve**  
He's living at the tower? 

**Witch Tits**  
Not really 

**CLONT**  
eh tony can explain 

**anthony**  
What can I explain? 

**CLONT**  
AAAAAAAA 

**SAM!!**  
Jumpscare 

**Witch Tits**  
You're awake 

**anthony**  
Nice observation 

**anthony**  
What do you want 

**Steve**  
I was just asking about Spider-Man 

**ARACHNID**  
TOYN CAN YOU PICK ME UP NOW PLEASE 

**ARACHNID**  
I ACCIDENTALY PLACED MY FOOT THROFUGH THE WALL IN GYM CLASS AND IM BEIFNG SUSPENDED ANDNI HAVE TO PAY FOR REPAIRS BUT IM NOT GETTIGN PAID FOR LIKE A MONTH 

**ARACHNID**  
MISS HARRIS IS TELLING EM TO CALL A PARENT ELSE SHES GETTING THE HEAD DOWN HERE BUT I CANT CALL MAY BECAUSE SHE'LL SKIN ME ALIVE AND FEED ME TO THE CATS THAT SIT OUTSIDE OUR HOUSE WHAT DO I DO 

**SAM!!**  
What in hell 

**anthony**  
Call me. Wait there. 

**CLONT**  
okay thats spiderman 

**Steve**  
Oh 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, leave a comment! And suggestions! And I CFIXED THE LAST CONVO WOO


	7. get in the car

15:45

 **tony**  
What's the hold up?

 **Spiderboy**  
writing report

 **tony**  
Report? Like a behaviour report?

 **Spiderboy**  
yep

 **tony**  
Did you accidentally damage school property, or did you kill a sophomore? 

**Spideyboy**  
im not sure at this point but shes got mr morgan in here

 **tony**  
Headteacher??

 **Spideyboy**  
yes

 **tony**  
Okay, I'm coming in.

 **Spideyboy**  
you dont need to

 **Spideyboy**  
hello

 **Spideyboy**  
mr stark dont come in here ill actually throw myself out of the window

 **Spideyboy**  
sir

 **Spideyboy**  
tony

\-----

16:30

 **Spideyboy**  
dont do that again

 **tony**  
You were having a panic attack, you dumb fuck of a kid.

 **tony**  
Just tell me. I know it's not the easiest thing, trust me, but you can talk to someone about it.

 **Spideyboy**  
i was fine the room was just muggy she didnt have air con on

 **Spideyboy**  
and you didt need to pay all of that 

**tony**  
Yes, I did.

 **Spideyboy**  
no

 **tony**  
Yes.

 **Spideyboy**  
could have sorted it

 **tony**  
You should be spending your Saturday job wages on going to the cinema, or nightclubs, or new clothes or something. Not a school wall.

 **tony**  
Especially a wall that would have been perfectly in tact if kicked by a non-superhuman 17 year old. 

**Spideyboy**  
im sorry

 **tony**  
Don't start with that.

 **Spideyboy**  
didnt realise how hard i kicked or how close the wall was

 **tony**  
I know.

 **tony**  
You don't need to explain yourself to me.

 **Spideyboy**  
okay

 **tony**  
I mean it.

 **Spideyboy**  
okay

 **tony**  
No dumb apologises.

 **Spideyboy**  
okay

 **tony**  
How long does it take you to get ready??

 **tony**  
How many chores did May leave you?

 **tony**  
You changed yet?

 **Spideyboy**  
no

 **tony**  
Hurry up, I'm waiting outside.

 **Spideyboy**  
why.?

 **tony**  
Because I'm hungry and I want waffles.

 **Spideyboy**  
me too wow

 **tony**  
Huh, what a coincidence. Get out here, Parker.

 **Spideyboy**  
OKAY

 **Spideyboy**  
wait

 **Spiderboy**  
i see what ur DOING

 **tony**  
I'm not doing shit, my stomach is rumbling, get in the car. 

**Spideyboy**  
sorry, my aunt told me not to get into cars with weird men who say 'get in the car'

 **tony**  
Okay, bye.

 **Spideyboy**  
DONT DRIVE AWAYSG I SEE YOU IM SORRY

 **Spideyboy**  
TONY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit short but I wanted a just Tony and Peter chapter because they crack me up. I hope I have done justice


	8. smore waffles

16:15

 **CLONT**  
cant believe ur fucking moving back

 **CLONT**  
thats so cool man

 **CLONT**  
we can do movie nights

 **NAT!!**  
Your taste if awful, I'm not movie nighting with anyone.

 **STEVE!!**  
That sounds fun, since I still haven't watched as much as I could have

 **CLONT**  
no idea when ue arriving but first night, wild child

 **NAT!!**  
I'd rather kill myself.

 **SAM!!**  
Wild child is some white shit 

**SAM!!**  
It's also got Paul Rudd in it 

**CLONT**  
I KNOW I LOVE PAUL RRRRRUUUDDDDD

 **STEVE!!**  
Who? 

**anthony**  
That fucker that looks like Scott Lang.

 **SAM!!**  
HEY, HE DOES

 **CLONT**  
mehh i dont see it

 **ARACHNID**  
wild child is bad to a point where its good

 **ARACHNID**  
I vote the last Jedi or hot tub time machine !!

 **NAT!!**  
Hot tub time machine??

 **ARACHNID**  
YEAH SEBASTIAN STAN

 **STEVE!!**  
I watched hot tub time machine

 **STEVE!!**  
He was good in it

 **SAM!!**  
I can't believe that out of that WHOLE list you've watched hot tub time machine fuck you Steve Rogers

 **CLONT**  
we could go for some good ol SAW

 **NAT!!**  
Yeah, maybe not.

 **NAT!!**  
I'm probably not the only person that doesn't handle explicit torture that well.

 **CLONT**  
oh yeah shit

 **STEVE!!**  
And there's a child here

 **SAM!!**  
Where

 **STEVE!!**  
Spider-Man

 **ARACHNID**  
hello someone said my name

 **ARACHNID**  
hey im not a child what are youdjdhfigj

 **anthony**  
He's 17

 **STEVE!!**  
That's underage 

**anthony**  
I'm sorry, when did you start enlisting Rogers?

 **STEVE!!**  
That's different

 **anthony**  
Yeah, kind of isn't. 

**Pepper**  
Tony

 **anthony**  
Pep, to what do I owe this infiltration?

 **Pepper**  
I was going to ask where you were, since I've been calling you for the past hour, and you seem to have everything muted. You missed a stocks meeting.

 **SAM!!**  
Somebodies in trouble 

**anthony**  
Oh, yeah.

 **anthony**  
The meeting. 

**NAT!!**  
That's not very responsible of you!

 **SAM!!**  
TUT

 **Pepper**  
Where are you??

 **Pepper**  
I need you here in thirty minutes

 **anthony**  
I'll be back later.

 **Pepper**  
Yeah, that didn't answer the question

 **CLONT**  
tell the damn woman where u at

 **anthony**  
Food place.

 **Pepper**  
...Food place

 **anthony**  
Yes.

 **SAM!!**  
Very specific!

 **Pepper**  
Why are you at a food place, you never take random detours to food places on your own?

 **ARACHNID**  
I KNEW IT

 **ARACHNID**  
lol sorry

 **anthony**  
I'm having waffles with Peter.

 **CLONT**  
WHERE WAS MY INVITE

 **Pepper**  
You missed this meeting

 **Pepper**  
That is extremely important, that I had to reschedule for next month

 **Pepper**  
Because of waffles?

 **anthony**  
No, Peter was having a shit day, so I took him for waffles, and I was also having a shit day, so the waffles also took part in improving my mental health as oppose rotting my brain in a meeting. 

**CLONT**  
unflawed logic 

**CLONT**  
for the record im sure waffles help with dyslexia you should take me for waffles

 **Pepper**  
I

 **Pepper**  
Fine, I'll leave it

 **Pepper**  
You need to start actually taking some responsibility, else you'll be facing the damn consequences.

 **ARACHNID**  
Im sorry pepper

 **Pepper**  
Don't be sorry Pete. Have a good day, I hope you're feeling better

 **ARACHNID**  
I am!! smore waffles

 **SAM!!**  
Nice wow

 **NAT!!**  
My teeth rotted reading that.

 **anthony**  
My teeth are rotting watching him eat it. He's also got chocolate on his face.

 **ARACHNID**  
where

**anthony**  
_anthony sent a picture._

**SAM!!**  
Hahahahahasgsgsgshs

 **NAT!!**  
How did you even manage that?

 **ARACHNID**  
bullying

 **anthony**  
Beats me. You're one messy dude, go grab napkins.

 **ARACHNID**  
neVer

 **ARACHNID**  
napkins are for the weak

\-----

17:59

 **T'Challa**  
Good evening, Captain.

 **T'Challa**  
We might have some developments for you.

**Shuri**  
_Shuri sent a link._

**Shuri**  
Heres sergeant barnes' document, there's lots of information in here youll find useful regarding the procedure. After a week hes been doing a lot better! 

**Steve Rogers**  
That's really great to hear

 **T'Challa**  
You'll find his contact details in the link. His phone is connected to Stark severs, you'll be able to talk whenever you'd like.

 **Steve Rogers**  
Oh man, thank you

 **Steve Rogers**  
Honestly. Thank you

 **T'Challa**  
He should be down on the farm now, later this evening he should be able to respond to you. 

**Steve**  
Okay, I'll message him then

 **T'Challa**  
All the best, Captain.

 **Steve Rogers**  
Just Steve. You too, T'Challa


	9. you being an idiot

18:05

**New message from Steve Rogers**

**Steve Rogers**  
Hey

\-----

18:23

 **Barnes**  
Hey, Steve.

 **Steve Rogers**  
Hey, how are you? 

**Barnes**  
Good.

 **Steve Rogers**  
Good

 **Barnes**  
It's all out. All of the stuff.

 **Steve Rogers**  
Yeah, I heard. That's really great

\-----

18:34

 **Barnes**  
I miss you. 

**Steve Rogers**  
I miss you too

 **Barnes**  
I'm really happy we can talk. I've been worrying about it for a while.

 **Steve Rogers**  
Why?

 **Barnes**  
Just the irrational fear it'd be different or something.

 **Steve Rogers**  
I get it

 **Steve Rogers**  
How have you been doing?

 **Barnes**  
Alright. Not the best, but I'm okay. I'm living out of the city, it's nice. 

**Steve Rogers**  
You used to say you'd never leave Brooklyn, now look at you

 **Barnes**  
Yeah, not like I exactly had a choice.

 **Steve Rogers**  
I'm sorry

 **Barnes**  
No, don't start that, Rogers.

 **Steve Rogers**  
Downgraded to Rogers huh?

 **Barnes**  
It's your name.

 **Steve Rogers**  
Okay, Barnes.

 **Barnes**  
T'Challa set it, not me.

 **Steve Rogers**  
Okay.

**Steve Rogers changed Barnes' name to Buck**

**Steve Rogers**  
Better?

 **Buck**  
A little.

**Buck changed Steve Rogers' name to Steve**

**Buck**  
There.

 **Steve**  
I miss you

 **Buck**  
You're a sap.

 **Steve**  
And you're really far away

 **Buck**  
Still near. Under the same sky, right? 

**Steve**  
You're the fucking sap

 **Buck**  
Watch that mouth, Captain.

 **Steve**  
I'll do what I want 

**Buck**  
I know. I can't stop you from doing anything, I've tried. 

**Steve**  
How much do you remember?

 **Buck**  
Enough.

 **Buck**  
Remember you enlisting a hundred times, like an idiot. Remember you offering yourself out for fights, like an idiot. Remember you being an idiot.

 **Steve**  
I'm glad you remember

 **Buck**  
Me too.

 **Buck**  
You weren't always an idiot.

 **Steve**  
Gee, I'm flattered

 **Buck**  
So you should be.

 **Buck**  
Everything is disjointed. It's bad. I still can't remember anything properly. Only each time they woke me up. Not before the train. 

**Steve**  
Could we call?

 **Buck**  
Video?

 **Steve**  
Yeah

 **Buck**  
Let me get a fucking shirt on, Jesus. 

**Steve**  
I'm not rushing you

 **Buck**  
Sure feels like it.

 **Buck**  
Give me a second. 

**Steve is calling you.**

**Call ended: 4 hrs 32 mins**


	10. the bucky barnes

11:20

 **CLONT**  
any1 on

 **ARACHNID**  
me

 **CLONT**  
hello

 **CLONT**  
arent u in school

 **ARACHNID**  
no

 **ARACHNID**  
free period

 **CLONT**  
nice onr

 **CLONT**  
u been by the tower recently/??

 **ARACHNID**  
not since Saturday, why?

 **CLONT**  
ive been paintig for like four hours and i want skmone to validate me cuz my hands hurt

 **ARACHNID**  
why are you painting??

 **CLONT**  
getting ready for our new guests

 **ARACHNID**  
guests oo

 **ARACHNID**  
who's coming?

 **CLONT**  
nat and sam and Steve

 **ARACHNID**  
who

 **ARACHNID**  
oh

 **ARACHNID**  
wait

 **ARACHNID**  
oh

 **CLONT**  
yes

 **ARACHNID**  
THATS WHO THAT WAS 

**ARACHNID**  
wHAAAHAHHT

 **CLONT**  
YEEAHH

**CLONT changed ARACHNID's name to peeter**

**CLONT**  
sorry i was getting confused 

**peeter**  
BLACK WIDOW FALCON XAPTIAN AMERICA

 **CLONT**  
yes

 **peeter**  
what about tony

 **CLONT**  
what about tony

 **peeter**  
all that stuff happened like last year right, and the accords and the governemtn and siberia

 **CLONT**  
made up

 **CLONT**  
all fixed

 **CLONT**  
from beating each other hardr than their own meat to watching mean girls at movie night

 **SAM!!**  
Wild child

 **CLONT**  
go away

 **peeter**  
thats great holy shit

 **peeter**  
can i come to the movie night please

 **CLONT**  
yea

 **SAM!!**  
No

 **anthony**  
Maybe.

 **SAM!!**  
Hi Tony, is this dude the one with the sticky shit? 

**Tony**  
Don't talk to me again, please.

 **peeter**  
yes, im sorry for sticking you to bucky barnes, tony told me to

 **CLONT**  
yeesh

 **CLONT**  
im gonna go

 **CLONT**  
paint

 **anthony**  
I did not.

 **peeter**  
yes

 **SAM!!**  
I am disgusted by you both

 **peeter**  
where are widow and the captain.? when are you coming to the tower?

 **SAM!!**  
Nat is passed out on the couch and Steve is sleeping on top of her for lack of another functioning couch

 **SAM!!**  
And this week at some point

 **peeter**  
cool!

 **CLONT**  
VERY COOl

 **peeter**  
im honestly so glad though thats so cool

 **peeter**  
should i bring house warming thing??

 **CLONT**  
like heaters/???

 **SAM!!**  
Clint?

 **CLONT**  
yes?

 **SAM!!**  
Fuck you

 **CLONT**  
Okay 

**STEVE!!**  
Hey

 **CLONT**  
HI STEVE

 **SAM!!**  
You have awoken

 **peeter**  
hi!!

 **anthony**  
Morning, Cap.

 **STEVE!!**   
Bucky said he'd like to! 

**SAM!!**  
To?

 **anthony**  
Move in?

 **Steve**  
Yes, I persuaded him. When he's ready, if you really don't mind

 **peeter**  
bucky barnes

 **CLONT**  
yes

 **anthony**  
Yes, that's fine.

 **peeter**  
the bucky barnes?!?!!??!(!

 **STEVE!!**  
Yes

 **CLONT**  
cyborg bitch

 **anthony**  
Yeah.

 **peeter**  
omg like fuckfufj actual bucky barnes!!?!!(?)£8£(£(£(££(£(272(

**STEVE!! Added Barnes to the chat**

**Barnes**  
Yes.

 **peeter**  
oh

 **peeter**  
hi 

**peeter went offline**


	11. white or cream or beige

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YO this one turned out pretty not shit kinda

4:22

 **Tony**  
White or cream or beige? 

**Steve**  
Pardon

 **Tony**  
White or cream of beige?

 **Steve**  
In what context.?

 **Steve**  
It's 4 am

 **Tony**  
So it is.

 **Tony**  
Answer, please.

 **Steve**  
I don't mind. They're all the same

 **Tony**  
Just pick a damn color, Steve.

 **Steve**  
Beige?

 **Tony**  
Hm.

\-----

5:08

 **Tony**  
Double bed? Single? King?

 **Steve**  
Go to sleep

 **Tony**  
You're not asleep.

 **Steve**  
Because you woke me up. And Nat, and Sam 

**Tony**  
You could turn your notifications off.

 **Steve**  
No, because one day someone will actually be in trouble and it won't be you asking about furniture 

**Tony**  
Wishful thinking.

 **Tony**  
You know you'll regret ignoring my furniture survey, right? 

**Steve**  
I really don't mind Tony

 **Tony**  
Okay, even if you don't, pretend you do. I'm getting JARVIS to order furniture and I'm bad at making decisions.

 **Steve**  
I find that hard to believe

 **Tony**  
What fucking bed do you want, Steven?!

 **Steve**  
Normal sized 

**Tony**  
Normal sized.

 **Steve**  
Yes

 **Tony**  
So single?

 **Steve**  
Yes.?

 **Tony**  
If you had a single bed, you'd fall off it.

 **Steve**  
Fine, double

 **Tony**  
With draws or not?

 **Steve**  
Draws?

 **Tony**  
Comes with built in draws, and a TV at the end if you want, but that's probably excessive, we have holo tech. I mean- man, what the fuck, I'll throw in the TV. And a really strong bedframe. 

**Steve**  
You talk too much

 **Tony**  
I'll turn off text to speech.

 **Tony**  
Actually, no, I won't, fuck you.

 **Steve**  
Has everyone had to endure this?

 **Tony**  
Haven't got round to Sam yet, but yes. What about your war buddy?

 **Steve**  
He won't mind

 **Tony**  
He'll mind when I make him sleep on the floor. Double?

 **Steve**  
Yes

 **Tony**  
Draws?

 **Steve**  
Sure

 **Tony**  
White or cream or beige?

 **Steve**  
White

 **Steve**  
Wait, no

 **Steve**  
Maybe cream

 **Tony**  
Huh, thought they were all the same?

 **Steve**  
Well, white isn't supposed to be that good for your head, right?

 **Tony**  
Ahh. Yeah. Maybe not. 

**Steve**  
Maybe not

 **Tony**  
Were Nazi's into the whole psych ward, white padded cell thing? 

**Steve**  
Don't really want to try my chances 

**Tony**  
Mhm. 

**Tony**  
Sometimes the white is weird. Or the cream. My bedroom's cream, I don't use it. I'll look into a blue or something.

 **Steve**  
Thank you

 **Tony**  
No problem.

\-----

12:56

 **CLONT**  
wanda can you come crack my back

 **Witch Tits**  
No

 **CLONT**  
please

 **CLONT**  
do it

 **Witch Tits**  
I'm in the gym

 **CLONT**  
please

**Witch Tits went offline**

**CLONT**  
n o

 **CLONT**  
someone please come and crack my back

 **CLONT**  
preferably someone telekennetutic 

**Barnes**  
Very specific.

 **CLONT**  
im a specific kinda guy

 **CLONT**  
how r u feeling barnes?

 **Barnes**  
I've been worse.

 **CLONT**  
yh eek

 **NAT!!**  
James.

 **Barnes**  
Hey, Natalia. 

**NAT!!**  
Been a while.

 **CLONT**  
and now im just not here

 **CLONT**  
nice one

 **NAT!!**  
You're always here, no one can miss you. 

**CLONT**  
sounds like a compliment 2 me

 **Barnes**  
Sounds like she's calling you loud.

 **CLONT**  
compliment

 **NAT!!**  
Nearly.

 **CLONT**  
>>>:(((

 **NAT!!**  
You're in Wakanda right now, aren't you?

 **Barnes**  
Yes.

 **Barnes**  
It's nice. I have goats.

 **CLONT**  
really??

 **NAT!!**  
I like goats.

 **Barnes**  
They eat my washing. 

**NAT!!**  
Sounds like Clint.

 **CLONT**  
fuck you too 

**Barnes**  
One of my goats Becks is actually pregnant, though I might not be here for the birth. I could tell Yandze to name them Clint. 

**CLONT**  
im gonna be really upset

 **NAT!!**  
I'M not, do it.

 **peeter**  
goat

 **NAT!!**  
Hi.

 **peeter**  
hi! nice to meet you properly! 

**NAT!!**  
Yeah, I don't think the first time counted. Nice to meet you too, Peter.

 **peeter**  
and you, Sergent

 **Barnes**  
You too, Spider-Man.

 **peeter**  
do you remember all of that in germany

 **Barnes**  
Yes.

 **peeter**  
cool

 **peeter**  
nice

 **peeter**  
cool cool

 **Barnes**  
I've only got a mild case of brain damage, I haven't forgotten.

 **CLONT**  
i have dislexyda

 **NAT!!**  
Dyslexia 

**CLONT**  
yeah my finger slipped

 **NAT!!**  
Uh huh X

 **anthony**  
Is Clint comparing dyslexia to 70 years of mental conditioning?

 **NAT!!**  
Yes.

 **peeter**  
they thought I had dyslexia when I was little

 **peeter**  
spoiler: I didnt 

**Barnes**  
I'm pretty sure Steve has dyslexia.

 **CLONT**  
does the serum fix dyslerica 

**Barnes**  
Anyone got Steve with them?

 **NAT!!**  
Yeah, he's reading a book.

 **Barnes**  
Nerd.

 **CLONT**  
i dont like books

 **STEVE!!**  
Hey

 **Barnes**  
Hey, Stevie. You dyslexic?

 **anthony**  
👀

 **STEVE!!**  
No?

 **CLONT**  
SACRE BLEU

 **STEVE!!**  
Why did you think I was dyslexic?

 **NAT!!**  
I have no clue, I've been in the same room as you as you've been reading what looks like the damn Bible for the last two hours. 

**CLONT**  
could be dyslexixa book??!!

 **NAT!!**  
Turn your autocorrect on, Clint. Please.

 **Barnes**  
I don't know, you used to struggle when we were younger?

 **STEVE!!**  
And you remember that?

 **Barnes**  
Yes.

 **Barnes**  
The goats help.

 **NAT!!**  
The cure to memory loss and mental manipulation= goats.

 **STEVE!!**  
I used to struggle because I was always missing school. Not dyslexic

 **STEVE!!**  
But close!

 **Barnes**  
:))

 **anthony**  
I can install a sticker chart on the fridge for whenever Barnes remembers something new.

 **STEVE!!**  
Come on, don't be condescending 

**Barnes**  
No. It's fine, stickers are cool.

 **peeter**  
haha imagine your metal arm but just covered in stickers sksksksksksjsjsnd

 **Barnes**  
Yeah, no.

 **peeter**  
aha a ha okay

**peeter went offline**

**NAT!!**  
Is he just scared of Bucky or something?

 **CLONT**  
sis me 2


	12. it's a dick

18:35

**Steve ended the call**

**Buck**  
Excuse me.

 **Buck**  
What happened?

**Steve is calling**

**Steve ended the call**

**Steve is calling**

**Steve ended the call**

**Buck**  
What's wrong with you?

 **Steve**  
Connection issues

 **Buck**  
It's been fine for the last hour.

 **Steve**  
Yeah, then Nat got back and starting using the wyfi

 **Buck**  
I'll be so thankful when you move into that goddamn tower.

 **Steve**  
I'll call you back

**Steve is calling**

**Buck ended the call**

**Buck**  
You sound like a robot.

 **Steve**  
Buzz buzz

**Buck went offline**

\---

3:10

**Steve is calling**

\---

4:42

**Steve ended the call**

\---

4:45

 **Steve**  
I don't think it's fair

 **Buck**  
What?

 **Buck**  
We just said goodnight five minutes ago.

 **Steve**  
You make me hang up every night

 **Buck**  
Yes.

 **Steve**  
Why don't you hang up

 **Buck**  
Steven.

 **Buck**  
You're a teenager.

 **Steve**  
No, I just don't like hanging up it's stupid

 **Buck**  
No, it isn't. People do that when they've finished a call, believe it or not.

 **Steve**  
We should take it in turns

 **Buck**  
Wh

 **Buck**  
Why

 **Steve**  
Because I dislike being the one to make you leave, it isn't very nice

 **Buck**  
You know, there's a boy that Shuri sees at the market that she's been talking to me about. They're 16 year olds, around 75 years younger than us, and they have this exact problem. 

**Buck**  
Maybe I can drop her your number and you two can cry over ending phone calls together.

 **Steve**  
:((

 **Buck**  
What's that.

 **Steve**  
A sad face

 **Buck**  
Okay

\---

5:02

 **Buck**  
Call me.

 **Steve**  
No, I'm giving you the silent treatment

 **Buck**  
You're awful.

 **Buck**  
Call me and we can sleep.

 **Steve**  
Nat is sleeping

 **Buck**  
You will be too. I'll mute myself.

 **Buck**  
You don't need to be bitching about hanging up no more.

 **Steve**  
Huh

**Steve is calling**

**Steve**  
Goodnight, Buck

 **Buck**  
You don't need to type. I heard you whisper it. 

**Steve**  
Yeah, yeah

 **Buck**  
Goodnight <3

 **Steve**  
What's that?

 **Buck**  
Shuri taught me to do it. It's a dick. 

**Buck**  
Because you're a dick. 

**Buck**  
<<<<<3 

**Buck**  
That's you snoring.

 **Buck**  
Okay. Night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bucky and steve are stupid and i hate them both


End file.
